Sunday, May 26, 2013

Marriage in a Christian Home (pt 2)

Last week, Pastor D did a sermon geared towards the husbands in a marriage, and I posted a blog with my own commentary on it.
This week, the series was continued on marriage, but the message was geared towards the wives.

I chuckled through today's message.
I already knew men and women were different when it comes to needs in a marriage, but I didn't realize just how different we were until I heard today's sermon and compared it to last week's sermon.

In a nutshell...
Women are complicated and sensitive beings with needs on every emotional level possible, and we need to be able to communicate on a deeper level in order to be satisfied in a marriage.
Men are simple creatures that need physical intimacy ( and an "attaboy" when they do a good job from their wives to be satisfied in a marriage.

Simple, right?
Sex and praise are all men need?! 
PSH....I have been working entirely too hard in my marriage to satisfy my husband...(insert laugh here).

Of course, I know that there is much more to men than that...

(If you like bible references, check out Luke 9:24 to start)
If you look into Genesis when God created the first man and woman, you can see that God created man with a desire to lead.
Of course we all know the story about the first sin of the bible (when Eve at the fruit from the tree).
Because of that first sin, there were consequences for future generations.
1. God cursed his work (Genesis 3:17-19)
Pretty self explanatory, and if you don't get it, read the above bible reference.
 2. God cursed man's relationship with his wife.(Genesis 3:16, Genesis 4:7)
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
    with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
    and he will rule over you.” (gee...thanks a lot Eve)
Keep in mind that the word "desire" in this passage means that Eve will have the urge to overthrow her husband and rebel against Adam's leadership.
To this day, people seem to have the idea that men and women can be equals and can compete against each other.
We don't celebrate our differences as men and women, rather we choose to compete.

Interesting fact:
The divorce rate in the country is approximately 50%, and yet people still desire a partner/marriage.
People who choose to have a partner, but not marry is usually because they are scared of marriage for whatever reason. 

What's the big idea?
The relationship or environment that makes men feel most competent will ultimately capture their heart and possibly their time and attention.
*Men struggle in environments where they feel incompetent
I know in my own marriage, when my husband fails at something, he takes it extremely hard because he feels like a failure/incompetent, even though to me, it may not even be a huge deal.
It can be something as little as forgetting to take out the trash on trash day...he literally beats himself up over it.
*Men need praise in the home because they seek significance.
My husband is constantly praised and rewarded in the workplace for his accomplishments and achievments.
I know that as a Marine, he is confident in his abilities at his job because he is rewarded for those efforts (whether it be medals on his chest, promotions, or good fitness reports).
However, I try and make it a point when he comes home that I let him know how proud I am of him as a Marine, regardless of how much he hears it at work.
I make sure to tell him "thank you" when he does the dishes, and I tell him "great job" when he cuts perfect little lines into our lawn.
I call him my "superhero" when he opens the jar of spaghetti sauce for me because I couldn't open it. 
I try my best to make him feel significant and needed in the home.
If a man is getting all kinds of praise at work, but not at home, he'll spend more time at work where he feels significant and appreciated.

Here's 4 things that will draw your man home...
1. Listen to them (Proverbs 18:13 and James 1:19)
When men talk, they are not looking for input from their wives!!!!!!
I am totally guilty of trying to give my husband "advice" when he talks to me, when I know darn well, he doesn't want it.
Again...I blame that on Eve for giving me the desire to want to lead instead of submit to my husband.
The only 2 things men want from their wives when they talk are:
-That we (the wives) appreciate the struggle
-Assurance from us (the wives) that we are confident in their abilities that they can handle it.

Interesting Fact #2:
"Mistresses are the masters in the art of listening."
(That's why they're mistresses. Men are seeking someone who will listen to them, and when their wives are failing in this area, they seek it from someone else. Mistresses don't have some type of sexual prowess or power that women think that they have. It comes down to something as simple as listening.)

2. Submit to their leadership or quietly invite them to lead. (Ephesians 5:22-24)
People get uncomfortable telling a woman to submit to her husband, but we have to remember one key point...
"Leadership is not domination, it's initiation."
-Submit to a man's initiative to lead (quit fighting it, ladies!)
-Just let him lead and take the reigns.
-Encourage his heart.
We all have to ask ourselves as wives...
"Am I a good follower? Do I let my husband lead even when he's wrong?"
This can go into a whole another discussion.
Personally, in my marriage, my husband is the final say in big decisions.
It does not mean that my opinion does not matter, and it does not mean that we don't compromise.
It also does not mean that my husband is controlling and domineering.
We talk about things (COMMUNICATE), and I can speak for myself when I say that I pray about it.
It means that I have enough trust in my husband to make final decisions for our family in what is best, and when it's not the best decision, I assure him that it's ok.
I don't put him down (or tell him he's wrong) in front of friends or family (or on social media).
I keep matters private, and we prayerfully work through them together.
3. Sex
 -Men connect emotionally through sex.
-Women have to connect emotionally to have sex.
As great a woman's need for communication is how great a man's need is for sex.

Interesting Fact #3:
The #2 thing on a list of men's needs is sex. Sex is #14 on a woman's list (#13 is gardening).
(You can laugh...I did.)

4. Honor them (Mark 6:4)
-The #1 need of a man is honor.
-Just like a woman can not hear a man who talks in insecure terms, a man can not hear a woman who doesn't honor him.

"If dishonor hindered Jesus when He was a man, could dishonor be hindering your husband?

Ladies: It's not what you say, it's how you say it. 
Again, don't put your husband down or tell him he's wrong in front of others.
Honor him enough to pull him aside privately and lovingly tell him your concerns.
I struggle with this in the fact that I have a problem with not being able to say things "tactfully" to my husband.
I never say negative things about him to others or in public, but in private, I tend to sometimes say things harshly which in turn ends up hurting him or makes him shut down to me.
Nothing justifies an unloving husband, and nothing justifies a dishonoring wife.
Men need praise.
If you praise him, he will rise.

So, as you can see, it really does go a lot deeper than sex and praise, right?
I really enjoyed these two sermons because it really gave me a chance to step back and look at my marriage.
I'm so caught up in day to day life, that I forget how important marriage is.
My marriage isn't perfect, but my husband and I are perfect for each other.
We have our arguments and our struggles, but at the end of the day, we love each other and respect each other. 

What are some things you can work on in your marriage?


  1. Oh I love this post....makes you really think about how you treat your partner!

    1. Thank you! That's how I felt listening to it!


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