Thursday, February 13, 2014

Winter Storms, Happy Lights, Sad Face

No photos today...
Just some thoughts...

There's a HUGE Winter storm heading our way.
Actually, it's already trickled it's way in.
I guess what makes this one so bad is that it's so unpredictable.
It's supposed to start off as snow, then turn into freezing rain, then possibly back to snow again.
But no one knows exactly for sure or when it will happen on the timeline of events.
We're supposed to get over 12 inches of snow where we live, and there's possible power outages that might happen in our future. 
Last year, we had a blizzard (remember Nemo?).
I wasn't so nervous last year though because my husband didn't go into work that day, and I had that security blanket of having a man around the house in case of crisis or emergency.
We spent the day indoors on the couch watching movies, making forts, and drinking homemade hot chocolate. 
This year, being alone with 2 kids terrifies me.
I think it's the Marine in me, but I always have the "prepare for the worst, hope for the best" mentality.
So in my mind, I've already assumed we'll lose power, and something is going to happen to the house. 
Nick is supposed to fly in tomorrow night, and I'm looking at all the flight cancellations and delays for today, and I've already told myself he won't be coming home this weekend.
Again...prepare for the worst, hope for the best. 
I already feel like I deal with seasonal depression, and adding all this other snow storm crap on top of it puts me in high anxiety. 
Last night, I purchased a "happy light" off amazon.
I've heard great things about it, so I'm hoping it'll sorta ease the "blues".
I seriously can not believe that I spent money for sunshine!

I've just been so down in the dumps this week because of this stupid storm, the cold, the weather, and just living here without close friends or family around in general.
It's a part of military life I hate.
I'm very selective with my friends and who I let close into my life.
I think it's a wall I put up because we move around so much.
I don't want people to get too close.
I'm the type of person who has lots of acquaintances and very few friends, and the few friends I have, I am extremely loyal to.

You know what else bothers me?
I never realized how out of touch civilians are with the average military family until I moved here where being in the military is not the norm.
I know people mean well, but I feel like shaking people sometimes on just how ignorant or naive they are about my life. 
I have to remind myself that this isn't a military community, and it's not their fault.
It's a tough adjustment when you've come from a place like Camp Pendleton where if you find someone who isn't military, it's not normal.
People look absolutely shocked when they find out how long "Nick's business trip" is.
"Eight weeks?!?! Oh my gosh! I stress out when my husband is gone for a week!"
yes...thanks for reminding me. I was just starting to accept the fact that it's ONLY 8 weeks, but now you've just made it seem like it's an eternity...thanks.  Oh, and please never ever ever compare your husband's business trip to my husband's military commitments.
"He's gone AGAIN?! Wasn't he JUST gone for entire Summer?!" 
why yes, he was gone ALL summer. I'm also getting over that, but thanks for reopening that wound for me. To me, it feels like we've had a lot of time between these two separations, but now you've just made me realize that it wasn't a lot of time...thanks.
"How do you do it all on your own?!" 
uhh...I don't know! Maybe out of necessity for the survival of my children? I don't think I have a choice.
"Why can't you go with him? He's only in VA, you can fly down there for a weekend or something."
Uhh, I can't go with him because the military is only paying for HIM to go. I can't go with him because it's not some fun "business trip". He is there for training. Most days he is in the classroom for 12-14 hours a day, so even if I did go with him, I'd never see him. Oh, did I mention I have a child in preschool, dance, and gymnastics? I can't just take her out of all those things (that we've already paid for) for 8 weeks to follow daddy to his military training assignment. Let me just add, I'm not spending $350 for plane tickets to fly to VA for a weekend with two kids. Get real people. 
"Just rely on God."
What? you think I haven't been relying on God? God is all I have a lot of times, and I painstakingly rely on him every single day of my life. I rely on him more due to military life than I would prefer. You didn't make me feel better by saying those words to me.

I'm just tired of this place.
this weather.
I'm tired of people telling me with their happy voices to "embrace it!"
I'm tired of people telling me to "find a fun winter activity, and it'll be much more enjoyable for you!"
I'm tired of people telling me to "quit complaining."
I'm tired of people telling me "how beautiful the rest of the year is here".
I need more than just 6 months of beautiful.
I need more than just 6 months of uninterrupted sunshine.
It was brought up to my attention to get my vitamin D levels checked, and I'm seriously considering it.
I started taking Vitamin D supplements, but I think I should get them checked just in case.

Ya know?
I was just not bred to be a "New Englander".
You can take a girl outta Texas, but you can never take the Texas outta the girl.


  1. I don't think the storm is going to be that bad. Just 4-6 inches or so.

  2. I know what you mean girl!! The storm is coming our way now. Lots of crafts & movies. C'mon Spring :)

  3. hey, i am a good friend of cherie tanner (smith is her maiden name) she was in my unit. i say this as my introduction so you won't think i'm just some random stranger. well actually i am but there's a connection there somewhere. i ran across a photo she had liked on instagram, went to your page then saw your blog...decided to read it heck why not, the title alone was interesting. either way, i'm korean as well, was in the marine corps. and upon reading this i just felt everything you were saying (specifically in this entry) i just moved to TN. my husband and i both eas'd and although my husband is not in the military anymore and i do get to see him, i know what it's like to barely get to spend enough time as you'd wish. also im born and raised in CA and moving to TN...well it's as everything that you describe. i guess it just makes me feel as though i am not the only one with this shadow casting over me...even though as much as you'd like to help just can't. just wanted to say thanks for writing this. unbeknownst to you, it helped someone that you had never even talked to.


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