Sunday, May 8, 2016

Not the frilly rainbows Mother's Day post

I have a broken relationship with my mom.
The details are long and boring, but basically, I don't have the "Loralei and Rory Gilmore" (Gilmore girls reference) relationship with my mom.
I've never had the relationship that I thought every mother/daughter relationship should be.
My ideal "mother/daughter" relationship would be a mother and daughter who can talk about anything and everything...and mother and daughter who WANT to spend time together without it being forced...a mother and daughter who doesn't judge each other.
My mom and I fought a lot...and actually, at 32 years old, we still fight a lot.
I don't agree with a lot of things she tells me, and her advice is almost always unwarranted and unwelcome.
Sometimes, I feel like I am still 16 years old and still being constantly judged by my "poor decisions".
What is ironic is that ever since I married Nick, I think my decisions are pretty sound, well thought out, and for the most part....good decisions.
I have turned out to be a pretty awesome woman despite all that life has put me through.
I love Christ, and He is the center of my life, and because of that, the "ups" of my life are amazing and the "downs" of my life are bearable.

I think a big barrier in between my mom and me, is our past and the language barrier.
I'm also a first generation American, and I can only imagine how difficult it was for my parents to raise children in a foreign country.
Although I am fluent in Korean, there are feelings and emotions that I just can't fully convey to my mom.

Despite all of this, I have learned many things about love, life, motherhood, and God through my mom.
I have broken my mom's heart more times than I care to explain, and I have done the same.
However, it was never intentional.
When I became a mother, i realized that everything my mom did (good and bad) was because she thought it was for my best interest.
She's always had my best interest at heart whether I agreed with it or not.
I get it now.
The one thing that my mother has never ceased to do for me is pray.
She is literally the woman on her knees, crying to God, church at 5am every morning...praying mom.
Mother's day is more than flowers and brunch to me...
Mother's day is about how God can take a broken relationship, and turn it into something beautiful, desirable, and loving. 

So this isn't the "frilly rainbows" Mother's Day post.
I'm not here talking about everything wonderful about motherhood and my mom.
The truth is...
Motherhood is ugly sometimes...
Motherhood is sad sometimes...
Motherhood can be gut wrenchingly painful sometimes...
But what true motherhood never is (with God as your guide)...
Is the love that a mother feels for her children.

So with that...
Happy Mother's Day.

The kids and I before church this morning!
Mattis' face pretty much sums up how my relationship with him is!

My family at church!
All I asked Nick for mother's day is 1)A photo of me and the kids (check) 2) gym time after church and not feel rushed to come home (check) 3)dinner cooked by Nick (check)  4)I don't want to hear "mom" all day.......
My kids have been calling me "pretty lady" all day...
Well played Nick...well played....

1 comment:

  1. Relationships with Moms are tough. I love how honest you are. Love that last photo.


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